It’s said that it isn’t Mondays that suck, it’s your job and/or life. I happen to like my job and my life, though, so I think this Monday just sucked. Everything was going fine until I took the exit off I-95 to get to my job.

I drive a 2007 Volkswagen Rabbit, and I love it. I plan for my next car to also be a Volkswagen, but I might move up to the Tiguan. But that has nothing to do with my story, so let me move on. The only issue I have with my car is something that, I’m assuming, Volkswagen created in order to get me into the dealership for repairs. Well, in your face Volkswagen! My uncle just so happens to be a master mechanic!

The first time he saw my car he gave me a head’s up. He said that one day the automatic windows would stop working. When this happened, he said, I would need to reset them. Honestly I thought he was messing with me the entire time he was explaining this to me, so I’m glad I somehow managed to pay attention. He told me that I would need two keys for this reset. I would need to turn the car on but I shouldn’t turn the motor over. Then I would need to step out of the car, shut the door, manually lock and unlock it, get back in the car and take the key out. All within 10 seconds. That sounds like bullshit, right? He picks on me a lot, so I honestly thought it wasn’t true.

A few months later I was proved wrong. All of a sudden my windows weren’t working like they should. When I wanted them to go down, they’d go up. When I wanted them up, they’d go down. And sometimes, just for the fun of it, they wouldn’t do anything at all. So, being the studious young woman I am, I tried out his key trick. Sure as shit, they started working again! That was a couple of years ago and I forgot all about it. Until, that is, they started to do it again.

I smoke cigarettes (yes, I know it’s gross and unhealthy) and when I am on my way to work I crack my window just slightly to let the smoke escape. However, when I am stopped I like to keep my hand out of the window. This is all so that I don’t reek of cigarette smoke when I get to work, and this morning was no different.

I get off at my exit and stop at a red light. While stopped, I had my left hand out of my window, my fingers resting on the top of the door. My window was cracked just so that I could fit my hand out by squeezing it through, so I decided to roll it down a bit more. Instead of pulling my hand back through the window I just reached over with my right hand to push the button. Bad idea. Before I even had time to react, the window was going up. I got my fingers through just before their breaking point, smashing them enough to hurt in the process. My cigarette became pinned between the window and the door and stuck out of my closed window, just sitting there billowing smoke above my car. Between the vulgarities being screamed inside the car and the lit cigarette smashed into the window, the person next to me got quite the show.

My fingers throbbed with pain as I sheepishly rolled the window back down in an attempt to grab the cigarette or just let it drop, which is what I assumed it would do. Oh no, it didn’t drop. It stayed right where it was as the window went down, laughing at me.

The rest of my day went by without much incident, thankfully. That is until it was time to go home.

I park in a parking garage at work, and depending on the day I can be on the first floor or the 5th floor. Between walking from my office to my car and depending on where I parked on a given day, it can take me up to 10 minutes to leave the parking garage. Today I was on the 5th floor.

As I pulled away from the parking garage, I realized that I felt naked and uncomfortable. It didn’t take me long to figure out why; I had forgotten my phone in my office. Spitting and cussing, I turned around to go back for it. There’s no way I could go a day and a half (I don’t work tomorrow) without it! Plus, my phone case acts as a wallet, holding my ID and debit card in it.

Already flustered and a bit irritated, I finally make it back up to my office. Where I promptly learn my key doesn’t work for the deadbolt on the employee entrance for some stupid, stupid reason. Everyone else left at the same time I did, so I wasn’t going to try to find a phone and call for someone to let me in. I could’ve found someone from security probably, but I didn’t want to deal with it. I then tried the key on the patient entrance, and hallelujah it worked!

I walked into the waiting room and headed for the door that leads to the back office. Also locked. No problem, I thought, I’ve got a key! A key that doesn’t work for that door, either. So, there I was, stranded and without a phone. I stood in the room for only a moment before I made my decision.

You know how in some doctor’s offices there is just a window between you and the receptionist? Usually a pretty small one with sliding doors? That’s what we have in our office. It’s nice for when the doctor is running behind and you have a room full of patients giving you the death stare because they don’t understand that you aren’t the one making them wait, but not so great for when you’ve left your phone in your office and your key doesn’t work.

I pulled up a chair and started to climb. The entire time I am just thinking about how bad it is going to suck when I bust my ass and hoping that I will at least be able to walk so I can go next door to the emergency room. As I was thinking it, I was also saying it out loud. I feel like that would have been good to catch on camera. Somehow I managed to make it through the small opening without incident and I climbed onto and over the receptionist desk. I thanked God (out loud again) and ran to the back and into my office to grab my phone.

After checking and rechecking to make sure I re-locked the doors, I headed for the house, intent to do absolutely nothing when I got there. Monday had other plans, though. It wasn’t long after getting home that I used the bathroom and discovered that our only toilet is broken. After trying everything we knew to fix it and Googling “toilet won’t flush” about 20 times and 20 different ways, it is still broken.

Tomorrow is another day and I’m hopeful that it will bring with it a fixed toilet. I also hope it won’t arrive with broken fingers and/or a pink slip for climbing through my office window.

Oh, Mondays.


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